I don’t usually delve into personal matters on this blog. There’s no point, and in any case you mostly sound like an emotional child crying for attention.
And maybe that is what I’m doing tonight, I don’t know.
I feel like there is a side to love that teenage girls don’t think about as they read Seventeen Magazine or listen to love songs, or read their romance novels. It’s a side that, many guys and girls aren’t fully aware of till long after they’re married.
And those who haven’t been in love, well, they may not be able understand it all. There are some things that only experience can truly teach you. I believe this with all of my heart.
My first experience with love over the last two years has taught me a lot about myself. Over all, I feel like I benefited from the experience.
I’ve learned how to be compassionate, how to sacrifice, how to put another person’s needs first. I’ve learned how to treat women and how words can hurt or build them up.
I’ve learned a lot.
And this knowledge has permeated other areas of my life. I’ve become a better brother and friend. I’ve been able to redirect these things into my other relationships, and over all…I wouldn’t go back and start over. There are too many things I’d have to relearn at the cost of pain.
I’m a changed person.
But the often overlooked side of love that I’m talking about is actually a basic requirement of true love, and that is vulnerability. The only way to truly love someone is to put yourself in the position where you can get hurt…and where you don’t care if you do get hurt.
And realizing this and experiencing it makes me seriously question all of the books that tell you to “”guard your heart”". While it is true that we should be very selective about who we allow in this position, the idea that someone can guard their heart and defend it till they say their marriage vows is ludicrous.
It’s impossible. By the time you love someone with a Christ-like love (which should be our goal), you’ve neccessarily taken down your defenses.
Why, because defenses by their very nature are inwardly focused. They are selfish. They are about what is best for us. Which isn’t to say we shouldn’t have them, but it is paradoxical to think you can fully love and be fully defended.
Unfortunately, love is also a one way street. I do not believe that love, by its nature, is transitory. I do not believe it can be repealed. If love vanishes because of your hurt, or even your realization that it was one-sided, I do not believe it can be said to be love.
Love is a decision you make, and if it is real, I suspect it is something that is always a part of you…no matter how far removed you may be from the situation.
I think it was C.S. Lewis who pointed out God’s vulnerable nature with us. He willingly and completely loves us. (He is love.) But by doing so, he leaves himself in the position to be hurt. Our sins and our failures and our rejection are painful to him, and neccessarily so. If he was insulated from our actions, His love would not be complete.
This may be more obvious to many than it was for me. And I’ve come to realize much of this the hard way.
But I think it bears reminding:
Love is not a feeling.
It’s a decision.
And there’s no going back. No matter how much it hurts.
It’s the way God deals with us, do you think we should set a lower standard?
And if we do set a lower standard….is it actually love?
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